First of all, hello back. It´s been a while since I wrote. Been busy moving to CA,
going to school, adapting, living life.
During this time I´ve learned a lot. Not just from school but from life. I´ve realized
that I´ve been scared for a looooooong time now. I´ve realized thatI let fear into
my life, into my body and mind. And I´ve also realized that it´s just time to let it
When I fisrt got here, almost 8 months ago (time flies!) I was frightened, excited,
happy, sad and add every emotion that exists to the mix, and I wanted to change.
My life had already changed completely before I came here: lost some weight,
moved from the house I grew up in, a couple of deaths in the family, broke up with
the boyfriend, almost got my degree but haven´t yet… And I wasn´t ready for any
of that. I really didin´t want any of that to happen. All I wanted was to stay in my
old bed, in my old bedroom, with my family at my old house, hanging out with my
friends, living life the way I used to, but that had to come to an end. All my life
the way I used to know it changed in every single way, and I am going to repeat
myself, I was not ready for any of that at ALL. I knew it was going to happen but I
let it slide and then Bam!
The good thing is the universe never stops working and for a while I was really
mad about that. Now I honestly thank the universe for never stopping, for pushing
me and keep me going.
After all this scary changes things are settling again which is nice. I´m getting
more and more used to living here, to the people, the food (I know you can get
Mexican food here everywhere, but it´s just not the same! It´s not bad, it´s just….
not the same!), etc. But in this new stage of settlement I´ve noticed something
interesting. Unaware of it at first, I have gone back to some old habits. Somehow
my homesickness has brought me back not just memories, but fears I´ve had from
even before I moved from my previous house in Mexico. And I´m realizing that
I´m holding on to them in order to make me feel “safe”, in a way. And you know
what? I´ve had it. This is enough for me. I´m 27 years old and I don´t want to wake
up one day, 27 years from now, regretting everything I didin´t do in life out of fear:
because I didn´t want to step out of the comfort zone. I want to really live life with
freedom, I want inner peace.
So, I´ve decided to take a turn here and walk this “new” path. I know this path,
I´ve seen it, I´ve heard of it, and it seems cool and all that jazz but I´ve never had
the guts to actually go through it. And as The Matrix fan that I am, I have to quote
Morpheous ´cause he was right, “There is a difference between knowing the path
and walking the path”.
So what I´m trying to say here is that I invite you to join me in this journey of
inner peace and discovering life awesomeness. ´Cause running away from your
problems is not gonna solve them, and is not gonna “save” you time either because
is going to be time spent afraid, sad, anxious, depressed. Basically, wasted time.
And you know what? Life is just too awesome to be wasted like that, and here
comes the paradox, ´cause yes life is too awesome but at the same time it´s too
much to handle at times that we get caught up in the storm and get all anxious
and depressed. AND at the same time that´s also the beauty of it. This beautiful
paradox between sweet and sour, happy and sad, black and white. The trick is, I
think, finding your perfect balance, harmony. Well it´s way easier said than done
but it´s possible.
I haven´t found my balance yet, I´m not even close, but I´m here to share my
journey with you. I´m here to talk about what I know, feel, see and think I know.
I´m opening myself up to the universe and I invite you to use this if you enjoy it,
if you think it will help you in any way. And if you feel like it, share your process
too, I´d totally love to know what´s going on with you!
SO… lets dance through life and as good ol´ Pacino said in the movie “Scent of a
woman”: “If you make a mistake and get tangled up, just tango on”.
… Shall we?