Lisa is a 26-year-old beautiful, innocent, submissive, naive, conservative woman. She has respect for religion, for God and the divine. She grew up with a huge fear and admiration for the motherly figure. Her mother is the most important feared and respected person in her universe. Lisa prays every afternoon in her bedroom while her mother is out shopping or meeting friends.
This last few months Lisa has been feeling strange. She has been experiencing certain needs, animal instincts. She has had erotic dreams that she denies the moment she wakes up.
About a year ago, Lisa found a pornographic magazine in an old box that her brother forgot when he moved out. She took, kept and hid this magazine. Sometimes after praying time and when her mother comes home late she looks at the magazine. When she does, she feels this weird warmth inside her guts that slowly and heavily expands through her extremities. Today isn’t different from the other days.
Today Lisa finished praying. She put away her rosary with respect and care and realized her mother wasn’t home yet. This certainty made her feel excited. She perceived a numbing feeling in her pubis and belly. This numbing feels good and warm like soft tickles, but Lisa forces herself not to feel anything anymore. She knows it´s not correct. It´s not right. It isn´t natural. Her mother would kill her if she found her like this, like an idiot.
Lisa looks into the mirror and sees her reflection. She likes what she sees. She looks at the magazine. What do they feel being so… what´s the word? Free? They all are so beautiful, she can´t help thinking. If her mother caught her looking at these women she´d say they are filthy women of body and soul, that they don´t know respect for themselves nor others. People like them makes society crumble apart, specially with this technology and mass media allowing them to reach more people. Poor women, the mother would say, living in deceit like animals, out of pure instinct, without knowing respect for oneself or others. These words slip through Lisa´s mind. In her head the mother pukes an endless talk about God, the lost but necessary moral values, even more necessary than stopping climate change.
The mother always says this kind of things that Lisa never understands but she respects. Lisa knows the mother always talks with the truth and with the best intention. The mother is a wise, respectable, intelligent and beautiful woman. Yet, it is impossible to admire the beauty of the bodies of these women in the magazine. They seem quiet, nice. They don´t seem to be filthy or disrespectful people. They seem free because they don´t have the fear of enjoying life, Lisa thinks.
But this is not correct. Lisa doesn´t know exactly why but this is not correct. The mother could tell her exactly why they are uneducated unvalued people, but the mother isn´t here. If the mother finds her like this she could kick her out of the house if necessary. But the mother isn´t here.
Lisa doesn´t want to give the mother any trouble with immature teen crap. The mother has given Lisa everything, so she can´t let her down like this. She decides to forget about everything and puts the magazine away. She wishes she could be able to hate the magazine. She wishes she could have the courage to throw the magazine away, or better, to destroy it, to burn it, to make it disappear forever.
Lisa is agitated. She looks at herself into the mirror and remembers this gorgeous naked blonde walking by the calmed sea under that sunset that soaks her skin under a pearly and golden shine. The skin of the beautiful blonde looked so soft and warm. Her legs, her abdomen, her nippl… Lisa runs and takes the magazine, she quickly flicks the pages through searching for the blonde that she already knows by heart. There she is. Lisa´s eyes instinctively look at her nipples. They are erected. Lisa wants to touch them. She looks at herself in the mirror. How do my nipples look like? She wonders.
NO, NO, NO. This is not right. This is not correct. What is my mother going to say? Why am I like this? How can I do this to her if she has given me everything? The warmth sensation remains inside of her, though.
Without thinking about it Lisa tightens her legs and a wave of pleasure intoxicates her body. Everything became black and shiny for a moment. Her temperature raised and she got lost in this intense and magnificent second. Guilt came like the tide falls. Just like that tears burst out of her eyes. But Lisa can´t stop this anymore. She tightens her legs once more and a second wave of delicious sensations make her all wet. Again, she tightens and looses her legs. Lisa is lost in this ocean of joy. She doesn´t know what is going to happen but her instinct commands her to tighten her legs as hard as she can and to remain like that: legs closed and tighten. Lisa obeys. Everything is white and luminous. There is no sound. There is nothing except for an explosive and intoxicating feeling. Pleasure, nothing more except light, white, nothing. One second, two, three.
Far away the sound of the present time starts again. Her muscles, every one of them, even the ones she didn´t know existed begin to loosen up. Total relaxation caresses her, all of her. Colors, odors, all of her senses come back. Lisa doesn´t think about anything.
The sound of keys opening the front door is heard. The mother yells she´s home. In a second Lisa hides her magazine and tells her mother she´ll be right down to greet her. She looks at herself in the mirror and pulls herself together, takes a deep breath and tries to calm down. Her legs are shaking. She´s wet, soaked. She walks towards the door of her bedroom. Goes back to the mirror and gazes at her eyes. There is something that she cannot identify but that has changed. Lisa knows with fear and excitement that something in her stopped being and something new has taken it´s place.